Our Blog - Bloody Clients : Part 02

This is the second part of the previous article : Bloody Clients 01

Client: I don't think anyone will visit our website.
Boss: Why do you think like that?
Client: Because it takes 5 seconds to load this website.

Buyer: What are you promoting?
We: We are promoting a Hotel Management Software. It's a fully online solution.
Buyer: Is this a foreign product or a local product?
We: This is a local product.
Buyer: A local product? Then no thank you !

Me: Please tell them to send rest of the content in a Word Document.
Boss: Why? What happened?
Me: They have sent us the previous content in an Excel Sheet.

Client: Why there are no animations in the slideshow?
Boss: Sir, this is just an art work (Photoshop Layout)

Boss: If you buy our total solution, we will give you our Channel Manager for free.
Buyer: Can't you give me only the Channel Manager?

Client: I want a full report about my website. How is the progress?
Me: Sir, your website is currently under development.
Client: Still? Today is an auspicious day. I want to launch my website within today. If not, we have to wait another 1 and a half month to launch the website.

Client: I want a website with unlimited pages. So what's the price?
Team_Member: Unlimited price!

Caller: Your prices are too much high. Can't you design a website for Rs.10 000?
Boss: Sir, we have to pay the electricity bill, water bill and telephone bill at the end of the month. We have to pay salaries to our employees. We have to save some money for the maintenance, fuel and traveling. We have to pay the tax, company registration fee, server chargers, domain chargers annually. We are participating for two exhibitions in every year. We have to use our strength, knowledge and experience for our services. There are lot of advertising and marketing campaigns. So how can we design a website for Rs.10 000? Do you think, we can cover all these costs from Rs. 10 000?

Client: I have some small works for you.
Me: OK?
Client: These three A4 pages contains some designing and re-designing requirements. I want these changes done within 30 minutes. Can you? You are smart and I know you can!

Me: Sir, are there any new projects?
Boss: Yes. There is one. But the client is waiting for an auspicious day to start the project.

Boss: These clients are very good people. They have paid the advance at the beginning. Give the first priority to their website. Do anything for them.
Me: OK sir !
[7 Months Later]
Boss: We have completed all the works in their website. I have requested a payment more than thousand times. But still there is no reply from these buggers. Don't do anything for them. Hold all the updates !!!!!
Me: OK sir !

Me: Sir, I am very disappointed. This was one of my Best Design. Took many days to complete this website. But this so called IT Guy had messed up everything. Now there is no usability in this website. Now it's looks like a cow dung.
Boss: I know. But what to do? This client trusts that guy than us. For your information, he is not an IT guy. He is just an Accountant !

Client: We need a report of tomorrow's actual arrival list?
Boss: That's impossible. If you want to view tomorrow's actual arrival list, you have to wait until tomorrow.
Client: Please tell us the exact number. Because we have to send orders to the restaurant.
Boss: How the hell do I know about tomorrow's actual arrival list, Today?

Client: Don't leave spaces. I want to place advertisements in all the spaces.
Me: Huh?
Client: Yes. Like property advertisments, educational advertisments, transport service advertisments etc.
Me: This is a Photography website. What's the connection between photography and advertisments? It will definitely reduce the quality.
Client: Look at the bright side. We can display information about my Photography service. On the other hand, we can earn lot of money from the advertisments. Money is always important than the quality.

Client: I have mailed you our recommendation letters. Please put these letters inside a Slider.
Me: Really?

Client: Please host my website between 9.00am to 10.00am on tomorrow. It's an auspicious day and auspicious time.
Boss: Will do sir.
Me: Sir, Tomorrow is a holiday. What should we do?
Boss: Then host the website today. Don't worry. He will not access the web address, until 9.00am on tomorrow!

Client: This is a 4 page website right?
Boss: Yes?
Client: Then you can start the project now and finish the website infront of me. I will wait here. It will take only little time. Because this is a 4 page website noh?

Client: Can you put Downward Arrows few and far between?
Boss: Why is that?
Client: Otherwise, visitors will never know, that there are more content at the bottom.

Boss: Sir, your website is ready. Now we can launch the website on tommorow's ceremony .
Client: No. Launch a dummy website instead of the actual website.
Boss: Why?
Client: Because the website might get hack on tommorow.
Boss: We didn't promote the website yet. Right? So how will anyone hack the website, without knowing about it?

Buyer: Free Channel Manager? You are offering a channel manager for free? (Looking at a Banner)
Me: Yes. But terms & conditions applied (Pointing to the bottom of the Banner)

Boss: Client wants to add these images to his website. These are some images of his Noble Title Offering Ceremony.
Me: In a Real Estate website?

Client: Please set the background colour as blue.
Me: It will reduce the readability level and add a bad look for the design. Users will definitely distract.
Client: It is our theme colour. So do it !

Buyer: Free Channel Manager ! Free Booking Engine ! Am I came to the right place?
[30 Minutes Later - After explaining about Terms & Conditions]
Buyer: It says all are free in these banners. But now he is telling it's not free ?????

Buyer: [Read Buyer's dialogues in an old voice] What all these about?
Me: It's a Hotel Management Software.
Buyer: What?
Me: Hotel Management Software.
Buyer: Ah?
Me: Hotel Management Software !!!!!
Buyer: Hotel Management?
Me: Software.
Buyer: School?
Me: Software !!!!!
Buyer: Hotel Management School?
Me: Hotel Management Software !!!!! (Loudly)
Buyer: Hotel Management School? Ah no thanks. We went to School already !

Client: Can you complete my website within today?
Boss: We didn't start your website yet. So it's impossible.
Client: It's very urgent. Then complete this website within tomorrow.
Boss: Tomorrow is Saturday. We don't work on Saturdays.
Client: How about Day after tomorrow?
Boss: It's Sunday. We don't work on Sundays either.
Client: Oh come on. Why can't you work on weekends? Why don't you work on all 7 days? Please complete this website within weekend. Please !
Boss: We can't. We also need a rest.
Client: OK. Then deliver my website on Monday.
Boss: We can't design a website within one day. It will take couple of days or weeks. Also next Monday is May Day. So we will start the works on Tuesday.
Client: So what? Why can't you work on that day?
Me: [Thinking - "Seriously? On May Day? On Our Day? Bloody Hell. Designers are also Human Beings, you idiot. Not robots."]

Caller: Your prices are too much high. Can't you reduce the price?
Boss: You are not bargain from doctors. You are not bargain from engineers. You are not bargain from Super markets. You are not bargain from restaurants or bakeries. You are not bargain from taxi drivers. You are not bargain from "කඩේ මුදලාලි". You are bargain only from us. So is it fair or not?

Client: It's too difficult to create a post.
Boss: You have to do only 4 steps to create a post. It's not that difficult.
Client: 4 steps means wasting lot of time. Can't you reduce the number of steps?
Boss: Next time we will develope a special button for you. You don't need to write the content or publish the post. It will automatically write your post and publish. How's that?

Client: Where is your E-Mail? I have been waiting more than a week. If you can't do the works properly, we can handover this project to another company.
Boss: Sir, I have already sent you that in last week.
Client: Is it? Then why didn't you call me?
Boss: Why?
Client: How the hell I know that, I have recieved an E-Mail or not? Next time give me a call, after sending me an E-Mail.

Caller: I have a small club. Can you design a website?
Boss: Yes sir. We can.
Caller: But first, you have to join our club and take a membership. The membership will around Rs.40 000 and then let's talk about the website.

Client: Why did you put a slider in Home Page? We have a seperate page for services. It's not necessary to put services in a slider.
Boss: Visitors will see the Home page first. If they can't figure what is this all about from the Home page, they will leave the website. If we put some of your Services in a slideshow, they will get the idea very quickly and they might visit the inner pages as well.
Client: It's not a good decision to repeat the same content here and there. Please remove the slider.

Something to think...

By : Danula Randika Wickramaarachchi
From : Sri Lanka
Published Date : 2017.08.28

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